Monday, January 8, 2018 – My friend Cindy posted this on Facebook. Facebook has many great purposes and some really weird and wild purposes. Here are some of the weird ones.
As we leave 2017, I want to thank you all for your educational Facebook postings over the past year…🙌🏻
Thanks to your postings:
I can no longer let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.
I can’t touch any woman’s handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks for the posting about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I’ve learned that some of my friends communicate with Jesus through Facebook.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I share your posting with twenty of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes at least seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..
I now keep my toothbrush in the living room because I learned from a posting that toilet water can spray up to nine feet when the toilet is flushed.
And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up a quarter coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
Oh, and by the way… since learning that placing cut onions throughout my house will protect me from everything ranging from anthrax to unwanted pregnancies, I’ve not had one single cough or cold in the past six months. Nor has anyone stepped inside my door for those six months! 🤣
I borrowed this via cut n paste from someone else who also borrowed it, so this post is pretty well germ infested by now ✅✅✅
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 😷😷😷
Ya’ll come back now, ya’ hear!!