04.28.19 My Two Mothers, by Joann Snow Duncanson; and a personal note

Your Mom with dementia may still be here or she may have passed on. She will always be with you, as close as your heart. Bless us all in this journey 💗

Image may contain: flower and plant

Two Mothers Remembered, by Joann Snow Duncanson

I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
Two different people, yet with the same name.

Two separate women, diverse by design,
But I loved them both because they were mine.

The first was the Mother who carried me here,
Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.

She was the one whose features I bear,
Complete with the facial expressions I wear.

She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
Along with the examples in life that she set.

As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.

But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.

So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
A stranger dressed in the clothes of my Mother.

Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
But now she was the child and I was her strength.

We’d come full circle, we women three,
My Mother the first, the second and me.

And if my own children should come to a day,
When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,

I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.

For support for this journey of dementia, join Memory People on Facebook. All the members, both dementia patients, and dementia caregivers, walk this with you, each step of the way. You are not alone. 💜

This is the link – Memory People on Facebook It is a closed group so you will need to join to see anything. I don’t necessarily feel that this is the “Best” Facebook group about Dementia but it is a very active group and you get to learn from others there.

On a personal note, the dementia I have has been on a roller coaster ride recently. I am still on the strongest dose of the medicine Galantamine. About two weeks after passing out due to my blood pressure being low I started taking my blood pressure medicine again. My blood pressure stopped being so low and is back to normal to a bit above normal. I am now taking my blood pressure every morning to see how it is that day and if I need the medicine or should skip it that day. This is so totally out of the norm for me and is just another weird thing my shrinking and holely brain is doing.

I’ve had difficulties recently putting my thoughts together or even having thoughts to allow me to write a blog post. Even things that other people wrote that I repost just don’t bring any thoughts to help me post it and share with ya’ll why I am posting it. It is a terrible feeling to start to do something I’ve done almost a thousand times now and nothing happens in my brain. I think nothing and that’s something that has been going on

from the beginning, just not all the time. I use to describe my dementia as not being able to think and that is a really accurate way to describe how it is sometimes. It’s not always that I can’t remember something, a lot of times it is that my brain won’t begin the thinking process to get to what I need to know.

I get great anxiety when I go to social events and want to talk to someone but then my brain stops thinking, I panic and can’t say anything. I just want to go in a corner and cry. I have never in my life had a problem talking. Anyone who knows me knows that talking a lot is probably something I was mostly known for. In addition, I can listen to others talk but when they get complicated with their talking my brain stops and I get anxious about what I will reply because I don’t know what they said. If this happens I don’t say anything to the person talking, just nod or smile every now and then and hope my brain starts working again.

I ask that when talking to me please tell me the basic substance of what you want to say not all the details leading up to it or surrounding it. Oddly enough I have always been a person who did exactly what I am asking people not to do. Please don’t avoid talking to me, just please try to understand how I handle conversations best. The frequency that all of these things are happening let me know that this small and holely brain thing is progressing. I am thankful that God has seen fit for this to be a slow moving brain thing and not a quick downward disease. I was first diagnosed in 2011 which is 8 years ago. Vascular dementia has a time span of between 8 to 12 years and I’m hoping I’ll be a special case and hang on longer than that!

I want others to learn about dementia from my experience but don’t want to sound like I am bitter. I do hate having this and would prefer to be able to think clearly and not have to avoid some social settings. But I know it’s all part of God’s plan for my life and He will be with me every step of the way. I did not intend to write so much today but when it comes into my brain I want to share! Hope each of you has a very Blessed Week!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s