10.08.20 I’m trying but this being a widow stinks…..

Sometime recently I mentioned something about Roy’s tiny harmonica but I didn’t share a photo. This is it and yes he could actually play music on it!

I am trying to make an effort to get out and do things that put happiness back into my life. It’s been a year since I’ve had a professional hair cut and Lordy did I need it! I found out recently that my next-door neighbor is a hairstylist at Fringe Hair and Beauty Studio so I made an appointment there and got a new hair cut yesterday. She gave me exactly the hair cut I wanted and even thinned my very thick hair!

I made the mistake of going grocery shopping right after that and I was totally worn out by the time I got home. Trying to handle it all without Roy was exhausting. We always shared the shopping responsibilities and when I got to the truck and tried to put all of the groceries in the truck bed I just fussed and fussed because I really needed him then. We always had so much fun grocery shopping together and it’s not all that fun anymore. This shopping trip I actually bought some boxed dinners like Stouffers Lasagna, Fish sticks, and a couple more. I need a break from cooking for a while. I did make a pot of red beans and rice yesterday. That will last us a few days!

My driving will be limited to going into the town of Amite. Won’t try going to Hammond again any time soon. I like days like today when I can get things done at home at my pace.

After I wrote that last paragraph things just went downhill with missing Roy and crying. I know everyone says it’s normal but like I’ve said before I don’t like this normal. Until you’ve had this kind of loss you’ll never know how much it hurts.

Not all the time, thank goodness, but it strikes when you least expect it. We used 6-foot vegetable stakes in our garden and had 33 of them. I decided to sell them on Facebook and when I got them out I remembered all the times we spent together in our garden and the flood gates opened. I am very happy to say that a friend of ours bought them. Even though its just garden stakes its nice to know they are going to someone we know.

Roy’s desk is in my rock room. When I am sitting at my rock table I have imaginary conversations with him as our chairs back up to each other. We use to talk to each other when I was in my rock room and he was across the hall in his computer room. Sometimes doing that now is comforting and sometimes it hurts so much. Here’s Samson in Roy’s chair. He wasn’t happy on the floor so I put his bed up on the chair and moved it next to me while I was painting.

Roy ordered the little stuffed puppy for me because it looks like Samson. Samson now has that puppy as a new friend that he drags around the house now.

This is what I worked on all morning. We use to call it the Jesus circle because our cross was stuck in the ground there. It’s the garden Roy and I agreed had to be pulled up because it took too much effort to care for it. I’ve been digging up parts of it since he died. I had hope that I would finish digging it up today but the rains came down and put a stop to that.

This is my son Chip and his beautiful mini him daughter Madisyn. Just saw this photo for the first time and proud mama/grandmother that I am had to include it!

I’m going to close this one now and get it published before Chip gets home so I can spend time with him this evening.

Thank you for the prayers, please keep them coming.

2 thoughts on “10.08.20 I’m trying but this being a widow stinks…..

  1. Rosalyn, I never took the time to read these before on a regular basis. Not sure why. But I will go back and do so. I’m so impressed that you have this platform to share your thoughts and heart. This is great therapy. And I must admit lately when my Don does something that makes me cross, it seems one of these pops up. I then am reminded how blessed I am to have him here to aggravate me! 39 years I guess I can handle it! 😍
    My dear, you are doing great. Yes this is all normal! The important thing to remember is it’s “your” normal. Roy has always been there. This is all new. So no matter how you do it, you are doing it right! Right? I mean there is no guide book on how to live without Roy! You are writing it!
    Those thrift stores in town? I’ll tell you a secret… they sell glass dishes really cheap. Go buys few, then go to Uhaul or a Storage Facility and buy a DISH BARREL ( very important, taller & thicker ) Box. Get some tape, put the box together. Use some of Roy’s Safety Glasses or get some from Wal Mart then when the time is right go outside and place 1 plate in the bottom of the box. Now, stand back, take a breath and slam as many dishes in there as you need to to feel better for that day. Trust me this works. Some days it’s 1 some days 4. But one day it may only be a tea cup. God doesn’t mind if we are angry. He gave us these emotions. All he asks is that we trust him in the long run.
    Remember to breathe. In and out.
    Much love and many prayers, September

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    1. I’m pretty sure it is wisdom like you have that drew me to you back in the ice age of our youth. That or the fact that we were both quite silly. And Roy was in my life already even back then. Thanks my friend, move here so we can have a real visit! Rosalyn

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