12.12.20 Buddy, Grief, Brain, Christmas Tree, and more

My little buddy, who we kinda think is taking to the new name Buddy, is such a good dog. He’s very curious about this new home and follows me everywhere. I’m allowing him to roam through the property more each day and I think he likes it here!

He’s really wonderful and such a comfort to me. He’s not Roy but then no one will be. I let him up on my bed once and he loved it! When he runs he prances which I love!

He is “ball crazed” like our dog Nacho was. We play a good bit of toss and catch and sometimes toss and run after the ball.  He has an appointment for December 21 to have his teeth cleaned. I plan to make an appointment for next week to have him groomed. That will get him ready to meet my grandchildren on Christmas Eve!

I’m going to leave his hair grow like it wants but he does need his right ear hair cut to match the length of the other ear hair.

My grief over losing my best friend Roy, rears its ugly head when I least expect it. Yesterday I drove to town to pick up some things at Walmart. On my way there a funeral processing came towards me in the opposite lane. We all pulled over to show respect.  Roy had no procession like that nor will I since our church’s cemetary is next to the church but when they finished passing by I was overwhelmed with the realization of what the procession represented.

I wrote this on Facebook last week.

I have had a really rough time doing life recently. My grief has turned to anger and hurt and has stressed out my brain to where I haven’t dealt with that well. My efforts to take care of more things myself and go places by myself hasn’t gone well to put it mildly. My brain stays constantly confused, scared and overwhelmed and in need of Roy to make it all okay. But of course he can’t.

My amazing daughter in law, Chad’s wife, knows this and sent me several videos of her children talking to me showing me things in their lives. I share a lot here but those videos are my private stash of love, creativity, silliness and more that I will be able to take out whenever my heart needs it. I am so thankful for my family and friends who reach out and show love.

Most people don’t share what their grief feels like, so people don’t understand that I am very normal with this and they worry about me. I love the prayers. just don’t want people to worry. My purpose for sharing is to help others, not to gain sympathy. I will tell you that this grief from losing my husband is way different than the grief I had when my mama and dad died.  That’s how it is for me, someone else may be different.

My brain has been doing well since I wrote about it last.  I plan to see the neuropsychologist in Metairie in early 2021 to update my neuropsych testing. It’s been 5 years since I was last tested. Then I plan to see a new neurologist in Hammond for whatever medical tests he wants to run to see how I am doing.

Someone got a hold of my debit card number but my amazing bank, Hancock Whitney, caught it before I did. In the past if one of Roy or my debit cards was compromised we had the other one. But now I don’t have that so I’ve traveled back in time and am writing checks again! I’ve found most businesses don’t even want you to write out the check, they process it without that. Times have changed! I use to manage the bank, now I don’t even understand all the changes over time!

My Dirt Cheap Christmas tree is getting more decorated each day.

My friend Cindy Vernon gave me a whole slew of ornaments and even a dozen clear ones to make my own! I’ve also been making ornaments out of some of Roy’s stuff. One spark plug, two decorated computer parts, Roy’s little calculator, several decorated CDs and a few more things. Between the few ornaments I had from my previous life in a house, the ones Cindy gave me, the ones my grandchildren made for me last year and the ones I am making this year the tree looks nice.  It’s on the back patio and can be seen from inside the house. I like that!

One of the clear ornaments Cindy Vernon gaveme. I poured different colored paints inside and swirled it!

Roy made windchimes with these and they are now glitter glue colored for Christmas
A sparkplug I found in Roy’s “stuff”
Computer CD disks decorated with napkins and bling!

I have lots of CDs and DVDs that you can decorate.  If you want any and are local let me know!

That’s the latest in my life. This morning in our Sunday School class I urged our class members to cherish the time they have with their spouse;. Don’t let the little irritations cloud the joy of having a really good marriage.  I urge you to do that also. None of us are perfect spouses, well I was (and I know Roy would agree!) but no one else is! Show your appreciation for the big AND little things they do. Marriage is forever, that’s how God intended it to be.

See ya’ll next time! Rosalyn

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