12.26.20 A different kind of Christmas without Roy

Things have been kinda the same yet very different this year without my honey Roy at our family’s Christmas gathering. My Christmas blog post has always been my favorite to write each year. This year many tears flowed while writing this post, and lots of missing Roy has made this a very different kind of Christmas.

Chip, Buddy, and I really looked forward to Christmas Eve when our family gathered to eat, open presents and fellowship together, then attend Christmas Eve Candlelight Worship Service together at our church in Hammond.

I’ve been telling Buddy how he would have really loved his Paw Paw Roy. I probably wouldn’t have gotten Buddy if Roy was still around.

Our Christmas Eve was a very special afternoon and evening. I kept the menu simple: BBQ Beef on a bun, fruit salad, chips and dips, and 3 desserts.

My precious grandchildren, sons, and daughter in law could not have brought me more joy and love. My Grannie heart was so happy.

One of my Christmas gifts to my sons was a photo memory book from Shutterfly with photos of them, their children and Roy throughout the years. One of the photo memory books almost didn’t make it here before Christmas but I found out what an amazing company Shutterfly is and it made it just in time!  They both loved the gift and spent some time looking at all of the photos I picked out. Creating those books brought on a couple of days full of tears and sadness which I couldn’t share with anyone because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. 

Here’s the front of both books.

Their family also both received an amazing hand made cutting board with Chauvin embossed on it. They were made by my pastor and I absolutely love both of them.

The extremely cold weather kept us inside. Chip had a tall outside heater that we now have at my house on the patio. The only time we all went outside we were huddled around the heater. While outside our family got to see all of the ornaments on my big tree that is on the new patio.

 Some of the ornaments my grandchildren previously made for me, all the ones I made this year involving some of Roy’s small things (Roy’s small calculator he used when he installed carpet back in the day, and ones my friend Cindy gave me are now on the tree. I shared a few of those ornaments in a previous post.  I added some artsy, crafty bling to some of the plain ornaments, decorated some seashells, some computer CDs, and hard drive disks. I plan to make more of these CD disks and hard drive disk decorations this coming year for next year’s Christmas tree.

Two of the grandchildren gave me the ornaments they made for me. My present from Chad’s family was two beautiful glass ornaments. One in the shape of a heart with a picture of their four children on one side and the other with all of our names, Roy, Rosalyn, Chad, Chip, Amy, etc. What an absolutely perfect gift for my grieving heart. 

The backside of those ornaments.

Chip’s gift to me was having Buddy’s teeth cleaned. We both are enjoying the clean breath Buddy now has!

People have been saying this first Christmas would be difficult without Roy. I really didn’t grasp what that would mean or feel like. I know now that the sadness and loneliness I have felt is what that’s all about.  Being without half of our original family, Roy and me, made my heart hurt. However, the joy of having all of our family around me helped on Christmas Eve. This past week a couple of days were just total loneliness that I haven’t really experienced before. I miss my partner in crime so much. This is my new sidekick who I appreciate so much. Chip and I before everyone arrived on Christmas Eve.

The very best part of our family gathering on Christmas Eve was all of us going to church together. My favorite part of that was signing with my middle granddaughter singing Christmas hymns. I sat down and she stood up so we were on the same level.  She is normally very soft-spoken and a bit shy but when she sang praises to our Lord her little voice was clear and beautiful.  After the service, a couple sitting two rows ahead of us commented on her beautiful singing.  Chip took a photo of our family all sitting together last evening at church. I loved that he did this. Here is the photo.  Look at my sweet littlest grandchild holding onto the arm of her older cousin Madisyn. So sweet.

Well, Buddy and I have gone around all day, Christmas Day, with a jingle bell necklace around our necks. And I got to eat more of the desserts we didn’t finish off yesterday. 

All of our Christmas’ going forward will be different since Roy will not be with us in person. I know he is in the children and grandchildren that came from our love for each other. He will always be with us in that way.

I hope that your Christmas was a blessing to you, just as the gift of Baby Jesus was a blessing to those of us who are his children.

Merry Christmas to all of you, Rosalyn

 

 

12.16.20 Roy’s Facebook post when we left in 2013

I have been spending some time going through Roy’s computer files, all 100,000 of them! I really don’t know what I will do with all of them. That’s a project for a whole week maybe next year.

I just came across this that Roy posted on Facebook back in 2013 when we… well you will see.  I cried the whole way through reading this when I found it. Roy sharing his personal thoughts with others was rare so if you didn’t read it on Facebook back then, feel honored to read it here now.

By: Roy Chauvin, I don’t normally post my personal experiences or feelings on Facebook but today is an exception. Today my wife and best friend Rosalyn and I are starting a new chapter in our lives.

For those that do not know we purchased a motor home about 6 months ago and have slowly sold all our possession and weaned ourselves out of our sticks and brick house to living in the RV.

Today we are leaving our familiar and comfortable surroundings in Hammond, Louisiana, and are traveling to Kabetogama, Minnesota where we will spend the next 6 months. After that, who knows where we will go but you can be sure it will be South for the winter.

We have allowed 10 days to travel so we will be stopping along the way to visit with friends and relatives and plan to take in a little part of the US. My wife and I worked together at Southeastern Louisiana University for the past 5 years and are now both retired. I will miss all my colleagues at Southeastern. A special thanks go out to my supervisor Thomas Mocsary and my boss Donna Methvien. They have been truly the best people I have ever had the pleasure to work with and will be missed greatly.

We have been blessed with many friends through the years and although I cannot begin to list them all or say enough about them, I do want to thank our dear friends John and Donna Mollere who lent us their motor home to see if we could survive in one before making a decision to purchase our own.

I also want to thank Elizabeth Halpin-Smith who has entrusted me to maintain all of her company computers through the years. She is such a sweet young lady. If you are in the market for new flooring don’t forget to give Halpin’s Flooring in Baton Rouge a call.

We are members of Trinity Baptist Church in Pumpkin Center, Louisiana. This past Saturday and Sunday night our church put on a dramatic musical about the life of Christ, entitled “The Resurrection and the Life”. My brother Paul came to visit us on Saturday and joined us at the musical.

There is nothing more important than the love of a close family and will miss seeing every one of them.

Those of you who attended the musical know how wonderful this was and those that didn’t missed one of the best experience of their lives. I am still in awe of all the talent that the Lord has blessed upon this small-town church. As I left church services Sunday morning it was very emotional for me to say goodbye to all our church family.

Then there is my son Chip and his precious daughter Madisyn. We purchased 30 lbs. of boiled crawfish Sunday and spent the afternoon saying our goodbyes. There are no words that can express the feelings I have for them.

My granddaughter Madisyn is the love of my life. It is especially hard to leave her behind and I know she is having an equal if not harder time with us leaving. “We will be back to visit sweetheart. I love you!”

My wife has been writing a blog about our adventures and you can keep up with our travels by visiting https://rosalynandroy.com/ Please click on the link to subscribe to her blog.

May God bless all our family, friends, and acquaintances and keep them in good health. May God fill your hearts with the Holy Spirit and allow him to give you the joy of knowing his son Jesus Christ.

With a bitter sweetness in my heart, for now, I must say goodbye

It took Roy a while to warm up to and accept the idea of selling everything and living in a motorhome traveling a lot. Over time he came to love it so much. We both thought that one of the reasons we were doing this was because I have dementia and we did not know how long I would live so we wanted to make the most of the time we had together.  Little did either of us even think that Roy would be the one whose life would end first.  God blessed us with our traveling life when God knew we needed that special time together. I am so thankful for that. .

 

12.12.20 Buddy, Grief, Brain, Christmas Tree, and more

My little buddy, who we kinda think is taking to the new name Buddy, is such a good dog. He’s very curious about this new home and follows me everywhere. I’m allowing him to roam through the property more each day and I think he likes it here!

He’s really wonderful and such a comfort to me. He’s not Roy but then no one will be. I let him up on my bed once and he loved it! When he runs he prances which I love!

He is “ball crazed” like our dog Nacho was. We play a good bit of toss and catch and sometimes toss and run after the ball.  He has an appointment for December 21 to have his teeth cleaned. I plan to make an appointment for next week to have him groomed. That will get him ready to meet my grandchildren on Christmas Eve!

I’m going to leave his hair grow like it wants but he does need his right ear hair cut to match the length of the other ear hair.

My grief over losing my best friend Roy, rears its ugly head when I least expect it. Yesterday I drove to town to pick up some things at Walmart. On my way there a funeral processing came towards me in the opposite lane. We all pulled over to show respect.  Roy had no procession like that nor will I since our church’s cemetary is next to the church but when they finished passing by I was overwhelmed with the realization of what the procession represented.

I wrote this on Facebook last week.

I have had a really rough time doing life recently. My grief has turned to anger and hurt and has stressed out my brain to where I haven’t dealt with that well. My efforts to take care of more things myself and go places by myself hasn’t gone well to put it mildly. My brain stays constantly confused, scared and overwhelmed and in need of Roy to make it all okay. But of course he can’t.

My amazing daughter in law, Chad’s wife, knows this and sent me several videos of her children talking to me showing me things in their lives. I share a lot here but those videos are my private stash of love, creativity, silliness and more that I will be able to take out whenever my heart needs it. I am so thankful for my family and friends who reach out and show love.

Most people don’t share what their grief feels like, so people don’t understand that I am very normal with this and they worry about me. I love the prayers. just don’t want people to worry. My purpose for sharing is to help others, not to gain sympathy. I will tell you that this grief from losing my husband is way different than the grief I had when my mama and dad died.  That’s how it is for me, someone else may be different.

My brain has been doing well since I wrote about it last.  I plan to see the neuropsychologist in Metairie in early 2021 to update my neuropsych testing. It’s been 5 years since I was last tested. Then I plan to see a new neurologist in Hammond for whatever medical tests he wants to run to see how I am doing.

Someone got a hold of my debit card number but my amazing bank, Hancock Whitney, caught it before I did. In the past if one of Roy or my debit cards was compromised we had the other one. But now I don’t have that so I’ve traveled back in time and am writing checks again! I’ve found most businesses don’t even want you to write out the check, they process it without that. Times have changed! I use to manage the bank, now I don’t even understand all the changes over time!

My Dirt Cheap Christmas tree is getting more decorated each day.

My friend Cindy Vernon gave me a whole slew of ornaments and even a dozen clear ones to make my own! I’ve also been making ornaments out of some of Roy’s stuff. One spark plug, two decorated computer parts, Roy’s little calculator, several decorated CDs and a few more things. Between the few ornaments I had from my previous life in a house, the ones Cindy gave me, the ones my grandchildren made for me last year and the ones I am making this year the tree looks nice.  It’s on the back patio and can be seen from inside the house. I like that!

One of the clear ornaments Cindy Vernon gaveme. I poured different colored paints inside and swirled it!

Roy made windchimes with these and they are now glitter glue colored for Christmas

A sparkplug I found in Roy’s “stuff”

Computer CD disks decorated with napkins and bling!

I have lots of CDs and DVDs that you can decorate.  If you want any and are local let me know!

That’s the latest in my life. This morning in our Sunday School class I urged our class members to cherish the time they have with their spouse;. Don’t let the little irritations cloud the joy of having a really good marriage.  I urge you to do that also. None of us are perfect spouses, well I was (and I know Roy would agree!) but no one else is! Show your appreciation for the big AND little things they do. Marriage is forever, that’s how God intended it to be.

See ya’ll next time! Rosalyn

11.23.20 Some days I …

Some days I go through the day happy and full of the joy God has placed in my heart.

Some days I am sad at just the sight of a picture of my honey Roy or the memory from one of our adventures. I found his little BabyBell red wrapped cheeses in the bottom of my egg basket and just cried and cried. Then I ate every one of them.

As I go through this newest version of my life without Roy being physically in it stinks. But I am learning to dig deep to become a stronger woman that I hope makes Roy and God proud.

Then I have a day like Saturday where my mind goes in so many directions jumping from thing to thing. I didn’t complete anything and left many things just dangling undone. And the emotions that come with grief are frustrating and deplete all my energy.

I had to remove from Marketplace some electronic things that were for sale because dealing with customers’ questions were getting me more and more confused and frustrated and the tears started to fall.

I could write a whole blog post about the awful day that Saturday was. I boiled two pots of turkey carcasses to make juice for my gumbos. The end of the day came with me spilling one of the gallon bags of turkey broth all over, under and around the stove and countertops and down the front of the stove. Wet, greasy turkey juice. Chip came home then and made me get in bed which is where I stayed.

It wasn’t easy for Roy to take on the responsibility of being my caretaker. However, it was easy for me to slip into the role of someone who needed caring for.

Now I don’t have that caretaker and I am venturing out on my own from time to time.

My brain hasn’t miraculously gotten better but I am trying harder to be more independent like I was when I was younger.

Our 48th wedding anniversary would be Wednesday of this week, November 25, 2020.

Roy and I were together almost 24 hours a day, every day. Chip is here a little while in the evening but mostly I am alone. I am not used to that. Sometimes it is nice but not all the time.

I think this, as my last post, is all around the place. That’s how my brain is doing lately. I know that instead of trying to handle too many things at once I need to focus on one thing, do it well, and then move on. That’s a lofty goal for someone who has several things rattling around in my head all the time but I have to try.

The young folks that were coming here today to help can’t come since a couple of them are sick. It is such beautiful weather that I am going to spend the day outside accomplishing some of the things on that list, one thing at a time! We’ll see how that goes.

Chad and Chip will be here tomorrow to go through their dad’s things to see what they would like to have and hopefully help me to identify what’s left for possible sale or to give away.  I don’t remember when it was just Chad, Chip, and I together. My mama heart is looking so very much forward to spending that time with them.

I hope each of you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Week!  Rosalyn

11.18.20 Some thoughts this Wednesday morning

I believe in being positive and encouraging to others and try to apply that same philosophy to my own life. I try to find the bright spot in a situation no matter how bad or sad the situation may be.

Even though I don’t like thinking like this, 2020 feels like the worse year ever.

The sudden loss of my best friend and husband Roy of 47 years. Next week would be our 48th anniversary.

The Coronavirus pandemic, so much fear from that. Hurricanes, Louisiana has had several this year.

There are more things that make 2020 the worst but I still want to dwell on the positives of this year and in my life.

Life without Roy has subdued my natural joy but it is coming back a little bit at a time, baby steps. I sit out on the front porch in my robe each morning drinking coffee, talking to God out loud, and enjoying the beauty of the area around me. If the cows are nearby across the street we moo back and forth! I cry a little sometimes, God soothed my heart and I’m back inside with the cool breeze coming through the house.

I enjoy a couple of hours in my living room every weekday watching my soaps. Yes, I am a Young and the Restless, and Bold and the Beautiful junkie. Roy called

Young and the Restless the Young and the Useless but over time he got interested in the soap and enjoyed the Victor part of the show. I’d tell him his buddy Victor was on if he let 11 am come and go without sitting down with me to watch it!

My thoughts always go to how Roy use to fit into every aspect of my life.

Next week is shaping up to be an exceptional time.

Monday the young ladies and teenage boys from our church are coming to help me around here and visit. At first, I couldn’t think of much that I needed help with but since they offered I have thought of lots that would be helpful.

Tuesday my sons are coming to spend time here going through Roy’s things, identifying what somethings are, and getting what they would like to have. I’m working on a special Christmas present for both of them. December 25th can’t come soon enough for me!

On Thursday of next week, both our sons and their families will be gathering at my oldest son’s house for Thanksgiving. Another day that can’t come soon enough. I’m making my sister’s recipe for Sweet Potato Crunch and my very famous (ha!) Spinach Casserole. If you want those recipes I’d be glad to share.

I shared with ya’ll that my blood sugar was off the charts awful. Since then I remembered that I had a cortisone shot in each of my thumbs not long before the blood test. My doctor agrees that my huge A1C number was probably due to that. My blood sugar numbers are way down from the 400s. I’m now in the higher 100s which isn’t perfect but isn’t “you might pass out and die at any time” high.

I put several things FOR SALE on Facebook that were Roy’s. Check them out on Facebook or if you’re not on Facebook you should be!

I’m getting my hair cut again tomorrow and am looking forward to that.

When I feel led to write I always think I’ll just write something short. Well you can see that again that didn’t happen.

11.06.20 Asking for prayers

I am here asking for prayers today. I am about as low as I’ve been since Roy died. My doctor has increased my anti-depressant medicine yet I can’t seem to stop crying. I know it’s grief but it stinks.

God just sent me some wonderful help by having me punch in the wrong numbers on my television remote taking me to Alan Jackson’s Precious Memories. Every song reached my heart and I’ve been singing with each hymn since I know them so well. I’m still crying but I think it’s because I’m pouring out my heart to ya’ll and I am so overwhelmed. God is the one that is keeping me from crashing, I know that. He knows how much I miss Roy and how very difficult this is for me, living life without Roy.

I have tried to be so strong but that isn’t always possible.

My precious Madisyn is coming to spend the night and a special day tomorrow with me and Chip and I know that is exactly what I need. I just need to get all out of this so I can be the Grannie she loves and knows. She hasn’t seen me since my birthday two weeks after her Paw Paw died.

I went outside earlier trying to get out of this and watered a bunch of my flowers that haven’t been watered lately. They were happy and it helped me. Little Samson came with me and ran around me in circle after circle. He’s adorable when he does that!

I checked the mail and there was a very special sympathy card from Betsy and Wiley Traylor. It was perfect timing. That warmed my heart a lot.

I lost my phone yesterday evening. Looked and looked for it yesterday evening and this morning. Finally, I asked Roy and God to show me where it was and less than a minute later I spotted it at the very back of my sofa squeezed between the recliner mechanisms. It looked like part of the mechanism but God showed me where it is.

I do not know how people who are not saved by God get through anything much less grief.

I don’t think I’ve shared that when I went to my primary care doctor, Dr. Huge Valdes he tested my A1C and when he told me what it was I couldn’t connect the number he told me with anything. When I asked him to repeat it he said it was 14. That is deadly dangerous. It’s the way they can tell how your blood sugar was over 90 days. For a diabetic 7 is what we aim for. My highest ever in my life has been 10 and that was worrisome but this is overwhelmingly scary.

He said that the blood test for that day’s glucose level was almost 400. 90 to 120 is my target. I have to admit since Roy has been gone I’ve eaten every candy or sweet I could find. That and Grief over Roy and other stresses in my life, I know are what caused this. I also have not been taking my blood sugar readings at all which is what I tend to do when I eat sugars. Kind of like if I don’t see a high number I’m okay. My diabetic medicines have been adjusted and added to and I was sent home after some kind yet stern talking to. I see him again in a month.

The day after my doctor visit I took my blood sugar and it was 453. I stopped all sugars and carbs after that so yesterday it was down to 237 and today was 229. I am trying FINALLY and I know that would make Roy proud of me since it was always a concern of his but he couldn’t stop me from eating things I shouldn’t. When I needed knee replacement surgery, ya’ll may remember I couldn’t have it until my A1C got down to 7 from the 10 it was. I did it then and I can do it now.

I have so many other stressors in my life right now that I just cannot share here. Please pray for my unspoken requests.

One thing that is so sad is I’ve started saying my, mine instead of ours. I am learning to accept Roy’s death but the missing him is far from stopping.

I knocked another glass coffee cup out of the cabinet this morning and it shattered everywhere. All glass items may be removed from my cabinets since I seem to continue to break them. That’s just crazy.

Since writing this I’ve listened to more Alan Jackson sung hymns, did a lot of reaching out to God, read some wonderful words from scripture and took a walk around my property. That’s helped a lot. The tears have stopped and I dont’ know if I’m going to publish this. I might have needed to just get it out. We’ll see.

It’s several hours later and I decided to publish this. It may help someone having the same awful grief to know that they are not alone.

I am so thankful that I have a God who loves me and is walking through this deep valley with me every step of the way.

Ya’ll have a blessed weekend, Rosalyn

10.30.20 The crazy world at my house lately

We are almost into November. Time is passing fast sometimes and sometimes it is passing slow.

Here are some crazy things that have happened lately, mostly in the kitchen.

First, Chip and I are not familiar with our fryer. Roy always did the frying and I never paid attention to how he drained the oil. I just knew it wound up in a hard plastic container at the bottom of the fryer. He put that container in the refrigerator until it was needed next and left all the rest of the parts for me to clean. Worked for us!

There is an oil filter setting so even though we hadn’t used the fryer  before that told us we could filter the oil. Chip got it started filtering and three days later it had filtered the oil. Yes it took three days but it got the job done. The only problem was there must have been more oil in the fryer than would fit in the bottom container.

When I got up Tuesday there was oil all over the countertop, under the fruit bowl, the bred bag, and everything else.  Half a roll of paper towel later the oil was absorbed, the bottom of the fruit bowl was clean, the canisters were all clean and the bread bag was mostly clean.

The floor had several splats of oil and required several cleanings as well. Another moment in our daily life that Roy wouldn’t have allowed to happen but we are novices at this frying business using our fryer.

I went to take the gallon of apple juice out of the refrigerator to drink with my breakfast. It slipped from my hands and fell on the kitchen floor emptying most of the gallon of apple juice all over the kitchen floor. Several cloth towels and paper towels later it was cleaned up yet sticky and needed a sudsy mopping to clean up the remaining stickiness.

Finally, we get to Thursday morning when I started making a pot of chicken and dumplings. I had a glass bowl in the dish drainer and it fell out onto the concrete floor and shattered into many many pieces. Samson ran into the room to see what all the racket was and thank goodness didn’t step in any of the tiny shards of glass. While I was sweeping the glass pieces up, the pot of chicken and dumplings decided to boil over so I ran through the glass and turned the heat off under the pot. Burned on dumplings does not a clean stovetop make! Another mess to clean up, yay!

I started running water in the sink to help labels on two wine bottles come off. Then I went outside to straighten up the patio. Several minutes later I came inside and saw the water was still running in the sink. I forgot it was running. I looked under the sink and all around the floor and there was no water there.

The kitchen floor has been cleaned several times over the last few days. At least we know it’s clean!

Oh, this next has nothing to do with my kitchen but is certainly part of my crazy world. I got a call from the bone doctor that will be doing surgery on the Dupuytren’s contracture I showed ya’ll recently. I had several preop tests yesterday. They sent the results to the bone doctor. His assistant read the blood test results and found my glucose level was too high. They called my primary care doctor whose assistant then called me. I felt like I was being tattled on! My primary care doctor’s assistant knew right away what had happened. I didn’t take my medicine that morning, right? she says. Right I respond. I did not take any of my diabetic medicine or the injection that I take at its highest dose. They tell you to not take your medicine for this blood test and then they are shocked that my glucose level is high….. grrrrrr…..

When I called the bone doctor’s assistant with the reason why my numbers were high she said they want me to have the blood test again and it will again be a fasting blood test. This time I’m taking my diabetic injection and diabetic pills that morning for sure!

Samson and I have crawled back into my bed to get away from all the mess my kitchen has turned into.

It’s Friday, I’ve been in the kitchen a couple of times this morning and nothing is oozing all over the counter or floor so maybe we’re at the end of all of that! I’m kinda thinking Roy and God were just having some fun playing me!

Ya’ll have a Blessed weekend. Rosalyn

 

 

 

 

 

 

10.27.20 I am in a punching mood…..

I am in a punching mood…. Oh my goodness. I never in my life would have thought that losing my husband that I loved dearly would be this tough.

I am a strong woman and keeping it together around other people is doable for me.

But when I am alone my heart hurts so much sometimes I can hardly stand it. Parts of my day are really good like nothing bad’s happened. Then the times that I miss his presence grab my heart and I cry like someone just stabbed me and I cry and cry.

I am sure I am no different than any other woman feels who loved their husband deeply and lost them suddenly. I just happen to be one with a blog that I can share these awful feelings with others.

I miss Roy so much and would give anything for God to give him back to me. This grief thing just stinks. It hits when I least expect it to.

Okay, enough of that.

I am having hand surgery soon as I shared with ya’ll. Tomorrow I have preop testing at Cypress Pointe Hospital in Hammond. I have to be there at 8:45 am. Since they are an hour from me I have to leave here at 7:45 am and to do that I have to wake up at some abnormal time of the morning so I’ll be calling it quits very soon and hoping to get to sleep soon thereafter!

I’m feeling better since I unloaded here. Sorry, ya’ll have to read all that but I needed to write it.

Ya’ll have a wonderful evening. Please continue praying for me, I obviously still need it. Rosalyn

10.08.20 I’m trying but this being a widow stinks…..

Sometime recently I mentioned something about Roy’s tiny harmonica but I didn’t share a photo. This is it and yes he could actually play music on it!

I am trying to make an effort to get out and do things that put happiness back into my life. It’s been a year since I’ve had a professional hair cut and Lordy did I need it! I found out recently that my next-door neighbor is a hairstylist at Fringe Hair and Beauty Studio so I made an appointment there and got a new hair cut yesterday. She gave me exactly the haircut I wanted and even thinned my very thick hair!

I made the mistake of going grocery shopping right after that and I was totally worn out by the time I got home. Trying to handle it all without Roy was exhausting. We always shared the shopping responsibilities and when I got to the truck and tried to put all of the groceries in the truck bed I just fussed and fussed because I really needed him then. We always had so much fun grocery shopping together and it’s not all that fun anymore. This shopping trip I actually bought some boxed dinners like Stouffers Lasagna, Fish sticks, and a couple more. I need a break from cooking for a while. I did make a pot of red beans and rice yesterday. That will last us a few days!

My driving will be limited to going into the town of Amite. Won’t try going to Hammond again any time soon. I like days like today when I can get things done at home at my pace.

After I wrote that last paragraph things just went downhill with missing Roy and crying. I know everyone says it’s normal but like I’ve said before I don’t like this normal. Until you’ve had this kind of loss you’ll never know how much it hurts.

Not all the time, thank goodness, but it strikes when you least expect it. We used 6-foot vegetable stakes in our garden and had 33 of them. I decided to sell them on Facebook and when I got them out I remembered all the times we spent together in our garden and the flood gates opened. I am very happy to say that a friend of ours bought them. Even though it’s just garden stakes it’s nice to know they are going to someone we know.

Roy’s desk is now in my rock room. When I am sitting at my rock table I have imaginary conversations with him as our chairs back up to each other. We use to talk to each other when I was in my rock room and he was across the hall in his computer room. Sometimes doing that now is comforting and sometimes it hurts so much. Here’s Samson in Roy’s chair. He wasn’t happy on the floor so I put his bed up on the chair and moved it next to me while I was painting.

Roy ordered the little stuffed puppy for me because it looks like Samson. Samson now has that puppy as a new friend that he drags around the house now.

This is what I worked on all morning. We use to call it the Jesus circle because our cross was stuck in the ground there. It’s the garden Roy and I agreed had to be pulled up because it took too much effort to care for it. I’ve been digging up parts of it since he died. I had hope that I would finish digging it up today but the rains came down and put a stop to that.

This is my son Chip and his beautiful mini him daughter Madisyn. Just saw this photo for the first time and proud mama/grandmother that I am had to include it!

I’m going to close this one now and get it published before Chip gets home so I can spend time with him this evening.

Thank you for the prayers, please keep them coming.