At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we believed that they would always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us on life’s journey alone.
As time goes by, some significant people will board the train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.
Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we won’t realize that they vacated their seats! This train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.
A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all passengers, requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The mystery that prevails is that we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.
Thus, we must try to travel along the track of life in the best possible way — loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing.
When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty — we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue to travel on the train of life.
Let’s remember to thank our Creator for giving us life to participate in this journey.
I close by thanking you for being one of the passengers on my train!
I am so thankful there is always a Sunday after every Saturday! Especially after the difficult Saturdays I’ve had lately.
This Sunday was exactly what my grieving heart needed. I so look forward to this month of December when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Beginning with our Sunday Bible Study at church. We were all online except our Bible Study leader Spot and his wife Leanna. That hour we all studied God’s word together
The title of our lesson was Committed to His Mission. Scripture was from Romans 10: 9-17. The point of the lesson was God desires for all people to hear and respond to the gospel. We talked a lot about our responsibility to share the true Word of God with others. I hope that if you’ve read enough of my posts you’ll know that I try to do that as often as I can. When I say the true Word of God I mean that many folks believe that since they “believe” in God and/or are good people that they are saved. Good works do not save you. Believing that God exists is something that most people do but that does not save you. Even the devil believes in God, and that He exists.
Just “Believing that God exists,” does not save you. What saves us is accepting him as your Lord and Savior, putting our lives, all our faith in him, all our decisions, all our relationships in his hands. We don’t just put it there and think we are good to go. We desire to grow in our relationship with God every day. Bible reading, praying, going to church and Bible Study all come naturally and are greatly desired by a true Christian. None of those things “get you into Heaven. They are what you want to do as the result of you turning your life over to God.
Christians are not perfect, far from perfect, and we do not believe we are. We are all still sinners saved only by the grace of God and what his son Jesus Christ did by dying on the cross taking on all of our sins.
Sunday’s Bible Study was exceptionally uplifting and encouraged me so much to spread the Good News of Christ to others here and through my daily life.
I want you to know that my relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important relationship in my life. I know He is with me guiding me, protecting me, and even slapping me around when He feels I need it. I may not know the Books of the Bible any longer or where to find them in the Bible but I know God walks with me through all the storms in life and is smiling with me through the really wonderful times. I talk to him pray, all day every day for guidance, direction, healing for me and others. I pray for the unsaved and any need that is laid on my heart.
I want you all to have this same relationship with God and would like to pray for you if you’d like me to.
Our Worship Service message delivered by our pastor Rev. Avery Dixon centered around “The Excellence of Christ “
Hebrews 1:3a says “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.”
Philippians 2: 5 to 8 says “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
My brain is thinking very clearly this morning and I know that’s God’s doing so I could write this post and actually make sense. I hope it did make sense. If you want to know more about how my life is beautiful because I am a child of God, a Christian, it would be my honor to share with you.
The last beautiful spot in the day was putting up my new Christmas tree on the patio with Chip and watching the Saints win today! Bless You, Boys!
I know I am not any different than others who have lost their spouse but again I’m so thankful for this place where I can unload the good and bad times I have going through this grieving process.
Today is Saturday. I realized the last time I fell apart was also a Saturday. I’m not leaving home next Saturday.
On my way to the pharmacy this morning to buy lancets for my diabetes testing my thoughts went to how happy I am for Roy that all of his little health problems are gone now. I thought back through the problems and the tears just flowed. I am so happy he is in Heaven and pain, tremor and irritation-free now. I told him that and wanted him to know that I love him still. I could not stop crying and I was driving. Thankfully I have kleenex in the truck and they were put to good use.
Just when I thought I was getting a grip on it I drove in front of the hospital where Roy’s body was being held for us to see him. My chest and heart hurt so much and as I pulled into the pharmacy parking lot I started thinking I can’t do this driving by where Roy was every time I need to go to the pharmacy. But I will and am thankful that mostly I don’t have to go there but every three months. I believe I’ll be taking advantage of their delivery service for that.
My eyes were so red and I was thankful for having to wear a mask. I couldn’t find the lancets I needed so I asked the young lady to look up my records and see what I got last. I should have brought the lancet holder with me but I don’t think clearly enough to have thought to bring that. I was having trouble explaining what I needed to the lady and just started crying and couldn’t stop. I needed Roy to be with me because he would have thought to bring the lancet holder. Mr. Bud who owns the pharmacy was so kind to me and helped me figure it out.
When people say they can’t tell I have dementia I wish they could see when I can’t think well enough to convey a clear message to someone. It is absolutely horrible and so stressful. I know I am trying my best but fail all too often.
I went to Dirt Cheap which ya’ll are probably realizing that I love that place! I got several Christmas gift bags, bows, a whole bunched up bundle of Claire’s necklaces that I asked the manager if I could buy for $5 because they weren’t going to be able to sell any of them like they were. She said yes!
Then I found a prelit Christmas tree for only $26. A nice store employee brought it to the check out for me. Chip will help me put it up on the patio tomorrow. Thank goodness he’s here to help me.
When I got out to the car I tried to put the box in the truck but couldn’t get the passenger seatback to go forward or backward and just started to cry again. Roy would have told me to get in the truck and he would handle it. I just couldn’t get it no matter how hard I was trying. A very kind young man came by with his wife and children and he asked if I needed help. I know that God sent that young man to me at that moment because when I was about to give up I prayed to God to help me and he sent someone to do that.
Since I don’t have many ornaments any longer I stopped at Dollar General and bought some. I ate a whole container of cotton candy which I know was bad for me but it sure put a smile on my face and I needed that. My friend Cindy Vernon is going to teach me how she paints clear ornaments so I play to try my hand at that.
This past week was really nice. I knew it was nice but I’ve had to sit here a while to know what I did on Monday and Tuesday that was nice. I remembered finally!
Monday some young folks were coming to visit and help me but a couple was sick and they couldn’t come. I did some of the projects I was going to ask the boys to do and I tried to get things organized for Tuesday when Chad and Chip were coming to go through their dad’s tools and other “stuff”.
Tuesday with my two sons was the best day I can remember in a long time. This is a very precious photo of the two sons Roy and I raised, spanked, prayed for and loved!
Roy had some really good tools and “stuff” and they each got what they wanted. Chip had to go to work around noon so Chad and I had a nice time visiting which we never get to do. I love those boys and they are beautiful reminders to me of their dad. On Chad’s way here he stopped and picked up the very generous gift that a young lady Roy loved like a daughter gave me. Here it is on the floor in my bedroom. It is the perfect completion of what I wanted our bedroom to look like.
Wednesday I did my Thanksgiving cooking making Sweet Potato Crunch and Spinach Casserole. That day would have been Roy and my 48th wedding anniversary and I did a lot of talking to him that day. I brought his picture that I just had put on canvas into the kitchen because he would have loved me cooking those two things.
Here’s a couple of pictures of us from the past that friends on Facebook shared with me on Wednesday.
Thursday we had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at my oldest son’s home. We all sat under their carport and socially distanced most of the time. I did get hugs from my grandchildren that just made my day. My son and his wife were wonderful hosts. Lots of delicious food and desserts and a wonderful time with these special family members. My oldest granddaughter made each of us place cards and put mine right next to her!!! Happy Grannie! The youngest picked each of the ladies a little bunch of flowers. Those children are all so special and precious to me.
These cuties love to climb as you can tell by the littlest standing in the boat. When we arrived all four were sitting in Chad’s truck bed waiting to great us!
So my life is full of much happiness and some really sad moments. I’m glad that the happy times far out weigh the sad ones. I’ve been decorating the house for Christmas. Neither one of my sons nor Roy ever wanted to help me with that so it hasn’t been sad decorating. Chip will handle setting up the lights in the front and the new tree under the patio. Those are things Roy would have done. Roy put up with my love for decorating for each holiday throughout the year. He loved how it all looked so that made me happy.
I sold some of my Christmas plates and trivets and the cover for a dog kennel. Both were picked up on Friday. Two of the people are dear long time friends that I really enjoyed visiting with!
I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done. I’ve ordered two special things for my sons. I can’t say more or it will ruin the surprise.
I ordered a large canvas print of our family that Roy took of us last year with his drone. It will go on the blank wall in my bedroom next to a Psalm 23 wall art that hasn’t arrived yet.
Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb! Revelation 19:9
For years our family has celebrated Thanksgiving at my father’s house. The meal was always abundant and delicious turkey with dressing and gravy, ham, green beans… my mouth waters just thinking about it!
But the highlight of Thanksgiving was not the food, or the televised football games, or the food.
The highlight was always the fellowship around the dining room table. As we sipped our coffee and gorged on one last piece of pie, my father presided at the head of the table as each person shared what he or she was most thankful for… We celebrate this way today, although our family circle is so large we have our dinner at a conference center. But the highlight is still the story of thanks.
One day, in My Father’s House, the table will be set and supper will be ready. One day you and I and all of the Father’s children will be seated around that table. One day our Father will preside as He gathers us to Himself, listening intently and loving as we share our love for each other and our love for Him. One day My Father’s House will be filled with His family, and it won’t get any better than that.
Some days I go through the day happy and full of the joy God has placed in my heart.
Some days I am sad at just the sight of a picture of my honey Roy or the memory from one of our adventures. I found his little BabyBell red wrapped cheeses in the bottom of my egg basket and just cried and cried. Then I ate every one of them.
As I go through this newest version of my life without Roy being physically in it stinks. But I am learning to dig deep to become a stronger woman that I hope makes Roy and God proud.
Then I have a day like Saturday where my mind goes in so many directions jumping from thing to thing. I didn’t complete anything and left many things just dangling undone. And the emotions that come with grief are frustrating and deplete all my energy.
I had to remove from Marketplace some electronic things that were for sale because dealing with customers’ questions were getting me more and more confused and frustrated and the tears started to fall.
I could write a whole blog post about the awful day that Saturday was. I boiled two pots of turkey carcasses to make juice for my gumbos. The end of the day came with me spilling one of the gallon bags of turkey broth all over, under and around the stove and countertops and down the front of the stove. Wet, greasy turkey juice. Chip came home then and made me get in bed which is where I stayed.
It wasn’t easy for Roy to take on the responsibility of being my caretaker. However, it was easy for me to slip into the role of someone who needed caring for.
Now I don’t have that caretaker and I am venturing out on my own from time to time.
My brain hasn’t miraculously gotten better but I am trying harder to be more independent like I was when I was younger.
Our 48th wedding anniversary would be Wednesday of this week, November 25, 2020.
Roy and I were together almost 24 hours a day, every day. Chip is here a little while in the evening but mostly I am alone. I am not used to that. Sometimes it is nice but not all the time.
I think this, as my last post, is all around the place. That’s how my brain is doing lately. I know that instead of trying to handle too many things at once I need to focus on one thing, do it well, and then move on. That’s a lofty goal for someone who has several things rattling around in my head all the time but I have to try.
The young folks that were coming here today to help can’t come since a couple of them are sick. It is such beautiful weather that I am going to spend the day outside accomplishing some of the things on that list, one thing at a time! We’ll see how that goes.
Chad and Chip will be here tomorrow to go through their dad’s things to see what they would like to have and hopefully help me to identify what’s left for possible sale or to give away. I don’t remember when it was just Chad, Chip, and I together. My mama heart is looking so very much forward to spending that time with them.
I hope each of you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Week! Rosalyn
I believe in being positive and encouraging to others and try to apply that same philosophy to my own life. I try to find the bright spot in a situation no matter how bad or sad the situation may be.
Even though I don’t like thinking like this, 2020 feels like the worse year ever.
The sudden loss of my best friend and husband Roy of 47 years. Next week would be our 48th anniversary.
The Coronavirus pandemic, so much fear from that. Hurricanes, Louisiana has had several this year.
There are more things that make 2020 the worst but I still want to dwell on the positives of this year and in my life.
Life without Roy has subdued my natural joy but it is coming back a little bit at a time, baby steps. I sit out on the front porch in my robe each morning drinking coffee, talking to God out loud, and enjoying the beauty of the area around me. If the cows are nearby across the street we moo back and forth! I cry a little sometimes, God soothed my heart and I’m back inside with the cool breeze coming through the house.
I enjoy a couple of hours in my living room every weekday watching my soaps. Yes, I am a Young and the Restless, and Bold and the Beautiful junkie. Roy called
Young and the Restless the Young and the Useless but over time he got interested in the soap and enjoyed the Victor part of the show. I’d tell him his buddy Victor was on if he let 11 am come and go without sitting down with me to watch it!
My thoughts always go to how Roy use to fit into every aspect of my life.
Next week is shaping up to be an exceptional time.
Monday the young ladies and teenage boys from our church are coming to help me around here and visit. At first, I couldn’t think of much that I needed help with but since they offered I have thought of lots that would be helpful.
Tuesday my sons are coming to spend time here going through Roy’s things, identifying what somethings are, and getting what they would like to have. I’m working on a special Christmas present for both of them. December 25th can’t come soon enough for me!
On Thursday of next week, both our sons and their families will be gathering at my oldest son’s house for Thanksgiving. Another day that can’t come soon enough. I’m making my sister’s recipe for Sweet Potato Crunch and my very famous (ha!) Spinach Casserole. If you want those recipes I’d be glad to share.
I shared with ya’ll that my blood sugar was off the charts awful. Since then I remembered that I had a cortisone shot in each of my thumbs not long before the blood test. My doctor agrees that my huge A1C number was probably due to that. My blood sugar numbers are way down from the 400s. I’m now in the higher 100s which isn’t perfect but isn’t “you might pass out and die at any time” high.
I put several things FOR SALE on Facebook that were Roy’s. Check them out on Facebook or if you’re not on Facebook you should be!
I’m getting my hair cut again tomorrow and am looking forward to that.
When I feel led to write I always think I’ll just write something short. Well you can see that again that didn’t happen.
What a beautiful day it is here in the country outside of Amite, Louisiana!
This morning the folks across the street where the cows live were out there with big machinery crushing a pile of dead trees and pushing more dead trees into the pile to crush. The pile is a good 500 feet across the road from us. I had to zoom in a lot to get this picture.
Samson and I decided to grab a cup of coffee and sit out on the front porch enjoying seeing the work going on over there. They must be finished because the cows have now come back to graze there.
The weather is absolutely beautiful with a light breeze on the porch. Samson took his place on my lap and watched the work closely….! It’s an hour later and they are still working. I love being able to see the beautiful trees and the cows across the street while sitting on the front porch. Roy and I sat there every morning drinking our coffee and visiting. I miss that but life is different now.
Most of my days are good days. I do talk to Roy often and miss so much of what he contributed to our life. God continues to keep his big arms wrapped around me giving me comfort.
He’s sent some wonderful people my way and I am so thankful for them.
Cindy Vernon lives nearby and worked at Southeastern in a different department but we kinda made friends then. Since we’re both retired and she lives close by and we’ve got things in common we’ve become real friends. She contacted me on Wednesday about joining her in going to Franklinton, a nearby town, on Thursday to shop and have lunch. I was so excited to get to do that and actually woke up an hour before my alarm was to go off! Some people don’t care for Dirt Cheap, a local store, but I enjoy walking up and down the aisles, digging through things to find goodies at a dirt-cheap price. We ate at Sonic which was fun too! Thanks, Cindy for getting out of the house and having fun!
This is my new fruit bowl I got at Dirt Cheap for only $9. Isn’t it pretty!
Yesterday, I also got a call from a young lady at church saying she and two other young ladies want to come to help me here and visit. They will be bringing two sons to help with some things outside. There are lots of things outside that ya’ll know Chip and I’ve tried to keep up with and that will be a big blessing. More on that when these wonderful folks come to help. I am really looking forward to getting to know these two young ladies and the sons. They are all relatively new to Trinity which makes it even more amazing
So I hope you can see that God is putting people in my life at a time I need them most. He knows exactly what I need to get me through this. If you don’t a relationship with God as your Lord and Savior I would love to share more about what He’s done in my life since I accepted him as my Lord and Savior as a young girl.
Thank ya’ll for allowing me into your life through my blog. It continues to help me a lot in this grief journey. The journal that my friend Cindy LeBlanc gave me has become such an important part in me getting my personal grief feelings out onto paper. As always Cindy you are the bomb and I love ya’ girl!
Wow, I planned to write something real short but look at how all the words just tumble out.
It’s time to get out of here and makes some progress on my To Do List! Later folks!
Sunday was a blessing in so many ways. Like I said in my previous post I was so thankful God gave me a good night’s sleep Saturday night to rest my tired old bones up so I could make it to church in person! We sang some beautiful songs during our Worship Service. The best of which several of our little children sang the Chorus to a song Mia Dixon sang and Bro. Avery Dixon accompanied on the guitar. Look at these precious little ones as they sang.
Bro. Avery’s sermon was titled “The Beauty of the Cross of Christ.” It was so well explained and I feel I now have a deeper understanding of the cross. This old lady still has a lot to learn about the Word of God. Here is a link to our Worship Service if you would like to watch and listen! I guarantee you will be blessed!
After church we all went over to our new building to what I guess is now our Fellowship Hall. Can’t be a Baptist church without a Fellowship Hall! Us Baptists do a lot of Fellowshipping which generally includes eating!
We enjoyed a wonderful Veterans Celebration honoring our Veterans with good food, sweet singing, and wonderful visiting! Here are some pictures of that event!
My favorite moment was after we sang the Marine song, these two senior Marines shouted out their Marine saying of “Oorah.” They sounded like the young Marines they once were! Once a Marine always a Marine as Leroy Jethro Gibbs says on NCIS!!
Teddy Forrest led us in singing the songs for each branch of the service as well as God Bless America and the Star-Spangled Banner. They all warmed my heart so much. Some pictures from around the room.
As many pictures as I take, I forgot to take pictures of the tables with veterans pictures on it. I brought Roy’s Navy picture as well as Chad and my dad’s Army pictures. This is the one of Roy that I brought. We were so young and had our whole lives ahead of us. Wasn’t he a hottie??!!!Our youth minister, Jonah Kyle Traylor, his family, and others have been working quite hard to transform Trinity’s youth building into a great place these young folks will want to hang out in. I’m going to work on that next as it deserves its own post.
Drew Brees and our amazing Saints crushed Tom Brady and Tampa Bay. Wow oh Wow what an amazing ending to a beautiful weekend! Don’t remember the score but it was quite a lot – 3!
Monday and Tuesday of this current week were spent packing Roy’s clothes up to donate to homeless men in the French Quarter. I believe he would love that. It was a very difficult thing to do but I’ve put off long enough. When I was finished I reorganized my whole closet to accommodate both my summer and winter clothes. Cleared out several things I haven’t worn in ages.
Chip is having Memory Bears made for Madisyn and me. They are made by a local lady and are so wonderful. She takes your loved ones’ shirts or clothing and creates a stuffed bear for you to have. Madisyn picked out one shirt for hers. I picked out three shirts that she will use a part of each one in making my bear. I will absolutely be sharing pictures of them when they are complete. This is one that Diane made of the many she’s made so you have some idea of what they are like.
I am looking forward to having my bear made out of Roy’s shirts to hug on and I know it will give me comfort.
That’s it for today folks. Chip and I have been cleaning and organizing our home and just stopped long enough to rest and get this finished.