12.12.20 Buddy, Grief, Brain, Christmas Tree, and more

My little buddy, who we kinda think is taking to the new name Buddy, is such a good dog. He’s very curious about this new home and follows me everywhere. I’m allowing him to roam through the property more each day and I think he likes it here!

He’s really wonderful and such a comfort to me. He’s not Roy but then no one will be. I let him up on my bed once and he loved it! When he runs he prances which I love!

He is “ball crazed” like our dog Nacho was. We play a good bit of toss and catch and sometimes toss and run after the ball.  He has an appointment for December 21 to have his teeth cleaned. I plan to make an appointment for next week to have him groomed. That will get him ready to meet my grandchildren on Christmas Eve!

I’m going to leave his hair grow like it wants but he does need his right ear hair cut to match the length of the other ear hair.

My grief over losing my best friend Roy, rears its ugly head when I least expect it. Yesterday I drove to town to pick up some things at Walmart. On my way there a funeral processing came towards me in the opposite lane. We all pulled over to show respect.  Roy had no procession like that nor will I since our church’s cemetary is next to the church but when they finished passing by I was overwhelmed with the realization of what the procession represented.

I wrote this on Facebook last week.

I have had a really rough time doing life recently. My grief has turned to anger and hurt and has stressed out my brain to where I haven’t dealt with that well. My efforts to take care of more things myself and go places by myself hasn’t gone well to put it mildly. My brain stays constantly confused, scared and overwhelmed and in need of Roy to make it all okay. But of course he can’t.

My amazing daughter in law, Chad’s wife, knows this and sent me several videos of her children talking to me showing me things in their lives. I share a lot here but those videos are my private stash of love, creativity, silliness and more that I will be able to take out whenever my heart needs it. I am so thankful for my family and friends who reach out and show love.

Most people don’t share what their grief feels like, so people don’t understand that I am very normal with this and they worry about me. I love the prayers. just don’t want people to worry. My purpose for sharing is to help others, not to gain sympathy. I will tell you that this grief from losing my husband is way different than the grief I had when my mama and dad died.  That’s how it is for me, someone else may be different.

My brain has been doing well since I wrote about it last.  I plan to see the neuropsychologist in Metairie in early 2021 to update my neuropsych testing. It’s been 5 years since I was last tested. Then I plan to see a new neurologist in Hammond for whatever medical tests he wants to run to see how I am doing.

Someone got a hold of my debit card number but my amazing bank, Hancock Whitney, caught it before I did. In the past if one of Roy or my debit cards was compromised we had the other one. But now I don’t have that so I’ve traveled back in time and am writing checks again! I’ve found most businesses don’t even want you to write out the check, they process it without that. Times have changed! I use to manage the bank, now I don’t even understand all the changes over time!

My Dirt Cheap Christmas tree is getting more decorated each day.

My friend Cindy Vernon gave me a whole slew of ornaments and even a dozen clear ones to make my own! I’ve also been making ornaments out of some of Roy’s stuff. One spark plug, two decorated computer parts, Roy’s little calculator, several decorated CDs and a few more things. Between the few ornaments I had from my previous life in a house, the ones Cindy gave me, the ones my grandchildren made for me last year and the ones I am making this year the tree looks nice.  It’s on the back patio and can be seen from inside the house. I like that!

One of the clear ornaments Cindy Vernon gaveme. I poured different colored paints inside and swirled it!

Roy made windchimes with these and they are now glitter glue colored for Christmas
A sparkplug I found in Roy’s “stuff”
Computer CD disks decorated with napkins and bling!

I have lots of CDs and DVDs that you can decorate.  If you want any and are local let me know!

That’s the latest in my life. This morning in our Sunday School class I urged our class members to cherish the time they have with their spouse;. Don’t let the little irritations cloud the joy of having a really good marriage.  I urge you to do that also. None of us are perfect spouses, well I was (and I know Roy would agree!) but no one else is! Show your appreciation for the big AND little things they do. Marriage is forever, that’s how God intended it to be.

See ya’ll next time! Rosalyn

12.10.20 Meet my little buddy

My little buddy now named Buddy (if he doesn’t answer to that we may have to go back to Darby) is making himself at home. And Grannie is very happy! December 10th will be his celebrated birthday in the future.

This is Buddy at the Tangipahoa Parish Animal Shelter when we first met him. Look at how bad his hurt eye looked.

There was some concern over his health yesterday (he threw up) and they actually called me to see if I still wanted him. Duh, yes I do. They didn’t want to take him to be neutered while sick.  I asked them to keep him overnight last night and take him to Hutchinson Veterinary Clinic in Amite this morning. I got up at 7 am and met them there.

I met the Veterinarian, Dr. Glenn Hutchison. You gotta love living in the country. He introduced himself to me, then took his wooden ladder out of his truck to do some work around the clinic! We talked for a bit when he found out I was from Pumpkin Center since he used to live in Hammond.

I asked them to check Buddy out and also do something about the black crusty stuff around his eye.  They cleaned it off with mineral oil and said it was an injury but at least it is now clean.  It still looks a bit bad but they sold me antibiotic ointment and antibiotic pills. They also said his teeth are in bad shape and need a good cleaning. His teeth may have been the reason he threw up.  Just hoping he gets better with the medicines.

So this very reasonable $80 dog has increased by $15 for a microchip, $90 for a check-up and antibiotics, $150 for teeth cleaning, $45 in doggie supplies (and I forgot to get him a collar!) and I’m not sure how much for all his shots and heartworm preventative pills Thank goodness the $80 includes neutering and rabies shot. He’ll be getting some cute clothes for Christmas. I can see a shopping spree now!

Buddy still smelled awful but on the way home, he perched himself on the center console and loved the ride.  He gobbled up food and water as soon as we got home.

A bath with a lot of shampoo and scrubbing cleaned him up really well. He’s been enjoying some hair brushing during the day. His eye is still a bit icky and his teeth are a bit (a lot) stinky so teeth cleaning will happen really soon.

The first thing I noticed was he understands sit, stay, stop, and put the ball down.  He does them without having to be told twice. He also immediately peed when he got down in the grass, yay! I put him in the fenced-in area we had for Samson and he immediately jumped over the fence! That will have to be changed! He’s very good at fetching a thrown ball and we did that a lot today. He really loves having a small tennis ball thrown so he can run to get it and bring it back to me.

 

Buddy and I have been bonding today and he seems to really love being my little buddy. He’s found his spot on the foot of the recliner.

He is so full of energy you wouldn’t think he’s six years old. He follows me everywhere and just stands there and stares at me. He’s really sweet and lets me love on him and is looking forward to his Uncle Chip coming home from work!  He is mostly grey, but you can see his brown hair on his ears and the bottom of his legs in this first photo.

He’s crashed right now on top of a pillow. Isn’t he precious!

I’m hoping tonight goes as well as today did.

See ya’ll next time, Rosalyn

12.08.20 The Train of Life, Author Unknown

At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we believed that they would always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us on life’s journey alone.

As time goes by, some significant people will board the train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.

Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we won’t realize that they vacated their seats! This train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all passengers, requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The mystery that prevails is that we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.

Thus, we must try to travel along the track of life in the best possible way — loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing.

When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty — we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue to travel on the train of life.


Let’s remember to thank our Creator for giving us life to participate in this journey.

I close by thanking you for being one of the passengers on my train!

Author Unknown

12.01.20 I am so thankful there is always a Sunday after every Saturday!

I am so thankful there is always a Sunday after every Saturday! Especially after the difficult Saturdays I’ve had lately.

This Sunday was exactly what my grieving heart needed. I so look forward to this month of December when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Beginning with our Sunday Bible Study at church. We were all online except our Bible Study leader Spot and his wife Leanna. That hour we all studied God’s word together

The title of our lesson was Committed to His Mission. Scripture was from Romans 10: 9-17. The point of the lesson was God desires for all people to hear and respond to the gospel.  We talked a lot about our responsibility to share the true Word of God with others. I hope that if you’ve read enough of my posts you’ll know that I try to do that as often as I can. When I say the true Word of God I mean that many folks believe that since they “believe” in God and/or are good people that they are saved.  Good works do not save you. Believing that God exists is something that most people do but that does not save you. Even the devil believes in God, and that He exists.

Just “Believing that God exists,” does not save you. What saves us is accepting him as your Lord and Savior, putting our lives, all our faith in him, all our decisions, all our relationships in his hands. We don’t just put it there and think we are good to go. We desire to grow in our relationship with God every day. Bible reading, praying, going to church and Bible Study all come naturally and are greatly desired by a true Christian. None of those things “get you into Heaven. They are what you want to do as the result of you turning your life over to God.

Christians are not perfect, far from perfect, and we do not believe we are. We are all still sinners saved only by the grace of God and what his son Jesus Christ did by dying on the cross taking on all of our sins.

Sunday’s Bible Study was exceptionally uplifting and encouraged me so much to spread the Good News of Christ to others here and through my daily life.

I want you to know that my relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important relationship in my life. I know He is with me guiding me, protecting me, and even slapping me around when He feels I need it. I may not know the Books of the Bible any longer or where to find them in the Bible but I know God walks with me through all the storms in life and is smiling with me through the really wonderful times. I talk to him pray, all day every day for guidance, direction, healing for me and others. I pray for the unsaved and any need that is laid on my heart.

I want you all to have this same relationship with God and would like to pray for you if you’d like me to.

Our Worship Service message delivered by our pastor Rev. Avery Dixon centered around “The Excellence of Christ “

Hebrews 1:3a says The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.”

Philippians 2: 5 to 8 says “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

My brain is thinking very clearly this morning and I know that’s God’s doing so I could write this post and actually make sense. I hope it did make sense. If you want to know more about how my life is beautiful because I am a child of God, a Christian, it would be my honor to share with you.

The last beautiful spot in the day was putting up my new Christmas tree on the patio with Chip and watching the Saints win today! Bless You, Boys!

Much love to all of you, Rosalyn

11.29.20 The good, the bad and the ugly

I have permission from my friend Johnnie who is holding the gun in this picture to share it. She is one of the funniest, wonderful strong Christian ladies I know and this picture just spoke to me while writing this blog post and said “put me in it!” Thank you Johnnie for being the inspiration you are to me!

I know I am not any different than others who have lost their spouse but again I’m so thankful for this place where I can unload the good and bad times I have going through this grieving process.

Today is Saturday. I realized the last time I fell apart was also a Saturday. I’m not leaving home next Saturday.

On my way to the pharmacy this morning to buy lancets for my diabetes testing my thoughts went to how happy I am for Roy that all of his little health problems are gone now. I thought back through the problems and the tears just flowed. I am so happy he is in Heaven and pain, tremor and irritation-free now.  I told him that and wanted him to know that I love him still. I could not stop crying and I was driving. Thankfully I have kleenex in the truck and they were put to good use.

Just when I thought I was getting a grip on it I drove in front of the hospital where Roy’s body was being held for us to see him. My chest and heart hurt so much and as I pulled into the pharmacy parking lot I started thinking I can’t do this driving by where Roy was every time I need to go to the pharmacy.  But I will and am thankful that mostly I don’t have to go there but every three months. I believe I’ll be taking advantage of their delivery service for that.

My eyes were so red and I was thankful for having to wear a mask. I couldn’t find the lancets I needed so I asked the young lady to look up my records and see what I got last. I should have brought the lancet holder with me but I don’t think clearly enough to have thought to bring that. I was having trouble explaining what I needed to the lady and just started crying and couldn’t stop. I needed Roy to be with me because he would have thought to bring the lancet holder. Mr. Bud who owns the pharmacy was so kind to me and helped me figure it out.

When people say they can’t tell I have dementia I wish they could see when I can’t think well enough to convey a clear message to someone. It is absolutely horrible and so stressful. I know I am trying my best but fail all too often.

I went to Dirt Cheap which ya’ll are probably realizing that I love that place! I got several Christmas gift bags, bows, a whole bunched up bundle of Claire’s necklaces that I asked the manager if I could buy for $5 because they weren’t going to be able to sell any of them like they were. She said yes!

Then I found a prelit Christmas tree for only $26. A nice store employee brought it to the check out for me. Chip will help me put it up on the patio tomorrow. Thank goodness he’s here to help me.

When I got out to the car I tried to put the box in the truck but couldn’t get the passenger seatback to go forward or backward and just started to cry again.  Roy would have told me to get in the truck and he would handle it.  I just couldn’t get it no matter how hard I was trying.  A very kind young man came by with his wife and children and he asked if I needed help. I know that God sent that young man to me at that moment because when I was about to give up I prayed to God to help me and he sent someone to do that.

Since I don’t have many ornaments any longer I stopped at Dollar General and bought some. I ate a whole container of cotton candy which I know was bad for me but it sure put a smile on my face and I needed that.  My friend Cindy Vernon is going to teach me how she paints clear ornaments so I play to try my hand at that.

This past week was really nice. I knew it was nice but I’ve had to sit here a while to know what I did on Monday and Tuesday that was nice. I remembered finally!

Monday some young folks were coming to visit and help me but a couple was sick and they couldn’t come. I did some of the projects I was going to ask the boys to do and I tried to get things organized for Tuesday when Chad and Chip were coming to go through their dad’s tools and other “stuff”.

Tuesday with my two sons was the best day I can remember in a long time. This is a very precious photo of the two sons Roy and I raised, spanked, prayed for and loved!

Roy had some really good tools and “stuff” and they each got what they wanted. Chip had to go to work around noon so Chad and I had a nice time visiting which we never get to do. I love those boys and they are beautiful reminders to me of their dad.  On Chad’s way here he stopped and picked up the very generous gift that a young lady Roy loved like a daughter gave me. Here it is on the floor in my bedroom. It is the perfect completion of what I wanted our bedroom to look like.

Wednesday I did my Thanksgiving cooking making Sweet Potato Crunch and Spinach Casserole. That day would have been Roy and my 48th wedding anniversary and I did a lot of talking to him that day. I brought his picture that I just had put on canvas into the kitchen because he would have loved me cooking those two things.

Here’s a couple of pictures of us from the past that friends on Facebook shared with me on Wednesday.

Thursday we had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at my oldest son’s home. We all sat under their carport and socially distanced most of the time. I did get hugs from my grandchildren that just made my day. My son and his wife were wonderful hosts. Lots of delicious food and desserts and a wonderful time with these special family members.  My oldest granddaughter made each of us place cards and put mine right next to her!!!  Happy Grannie! The youngest picked each of the ladies a little bunch of flowers. Those children are all so special and precious to me.

These cuties love to climb as you can tell by the littlest standing in the boat.  When we arrived all four were sitting in Chad’s truck bed waiting to great us!

So my life is full of much happiness and some really sad moments. I’m glad that the happy times far out weigh the sad ones. I’ve been decorating the house for Christmas. Neither one of my sons nor Roy ever wanted to help me with that so it hasn’t been sad decorating. Chip will handle setting up the lights in the front and the new tree under the patio. Those are things Roy would have done. Roy put up with my love for decorating for each holiday throughout the year. He loved how it all looked so that made me happy.

I sold some of my Christmas plates and trivets and the cover for a dog kennel. Both were picked up on Friday. Two of the people are dear long time friends that I really enjoyed visiting with!

I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done. I’ve ordered two special things for my sons. I can’t say more or it will ruin the surprise.

I ordered a large canvas print of our family that Roy took of us last year with his drone. It will go on the blank wall in my bedroom next to a Psalm 23 wall art that hasn’t arrived yet.

Ya’ll have a very Blessed Weekend! Rosalyn

 

 

 

 

11.26.20 Thanksgiving around the Father’s Table

Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb! Revelation 19:9

For years our family has celebrated Thanksgiving at my father’s house. The meal was always abundant and delicious turkey with dressing and gravy, ham, green beans… my mouth waters just thinking about it!

But the highlight of Thanksgiving was not the food, or the televised football games, or the food.

The highlight was always the fellowship around the dining room table. As we sipped our coffee and gorged on one last piece of pie, my father presided at the head of the table as each person shared what he or she was most thankful for… We celebrate this way today, although our family circle is so large we have our dinner at a conference center. But the highlight is still the story of thanks.

One day, in My Father’s House, the table will be set and supper will be ready. One day you and I and all of the Father’s children will be seated around that table. One day our Father will preside as He gathers us to Himself, listening intently and loving as we share our love for each other and our love for Him. One day My Father’s House will be filled with His family, and it won’t get any better than that.

by Anne Graham Lotz in 2012

11.23.20 Some days I …

Some days I go through the day happy and full of the joy God has placed in my heart.

Some days I am sad at just the sight of a picture of my honey Roy or the memory from one of our adventures. I found his little BabyBell red wrapped cheeses in the bottom of my egg basket and just cried and cried. Then I ate every one of them.

As I go through this newest version of my life without Roy being physically in it stinks. But I am learning to dig deep to become a stronger woman that I hope makes Roy and God proud.

Then I have a day like Saturday where my mind goes in so many directions jumping from thing to thing. I didn’t complete anything and left many things just dangling undone. And the emotions that come with grief are frustrating and deplete all my energy.

I had to remove from Marketplace some electronic things that were for sale because dealing with customers’ questions were getting me more and more confused and frustrated and the tears started to fall.

I could write a whole blog post about the awful day that Saturday was. I boiled two pots of turkey carcasses to make juice for my gumbos. The end of the day came with me spilling one of the gallon bags of turkey broth all over, under and around the stove and countertops and down the front of the stove. Wet, greasy turkey juice. Chip came home then and made me get in bed which is where I stayed.

It wasn’t easy for Roy to take on the responsibility of being my caretaker. However, it was easy for me to slip into the role of someone who needed caring for.

Now I don’t have that caretaker and I am venturing out on my own from time to time.

My brain hasn’t miraculously gotten better but I am trying harder to be more independent like I was when I was younger.

Our 48th wedding anniversary would be Wednesday of this week, November 25, 2020.

Roy and I were together almost 24 hours a day, every day. Chip is here a little while in the evening but mostly I am alone. I am not used to that. Sometimes it is nice but not all the time.

I think this, as my last post, is all around the place. That’s how my brain is doing lately. I know that instead of trying to handle too many things at once I need to focus on one thing, do it well, and then move on. That’s a lofty goal for someone who has several things rattling around in my head all the time but I have to try.

The young folks that were coming here today to help can’t come since a couple of them are sick. It is such beautiful weather that I am going to spend the day outside accomplishing some of the things on that list, one thing at a time! We’ll see how that goes.

Chad and Chip will be here tomorrow to go through their dad’s things to see what they would like to have and hopefully help me to identify what’s left for possible sale or to give away.  I don’t remember when it was just Chad, Chip, and I together. My mama heart is looking so very much forward to spending that time with them.

I hope each of you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Week!  Rosalyn

11.18.20 Some thoughts this Wednesday morning

I believe in being positive and encouraging to others and try to apply that same philosophy to my own life. I try to find the bright spot in a situation no matter how bad or sad the situation may be.

Even though I don’t like thinking like this, 2020 feels like the worse year ever.

The sudden loss of my best friend and husband Roy of 47 years. Next week would be our 48th anniversary.

The Coronavirus pandemic, so much fear from that. Hurricanes, Louisiana has had several this year.

There are more things that make 2020 the worst but I still want to dwell on the positives of this year and in my life.

Life without Roy has subdued my natural joy but it is coming back a little bit at a time, baby steps. I sit out on the front porch in my robe each morning drinking coffee, talking to God out loud, and enjoying the beauty of the area around me. If the cows are nearby across the street we moo back and forth! I cry a little sometimes, God soothed my heart and I’m back inside with the cool breeze coming through the house.

I enjoy a couple of hours in my living room every weekday watching my soaps. Yes, I am a Young and the Restless, and Bold and the Beautiful junkie. Roy called

Young and the Restless the Young and the Useless but over time he got interested in the soap and enjoyed the Victor part of the show. I’d tell him his buddy Victor was on if he let 11 am come and go without sitting down with me to watch it!

My thoughts always go to how Roy use to fit into every aspect of my life.

Next week is shaping up to be an exceptional time.

Monday the young ladies and teenage boys from our church are coming to help me around here and visit. At first, I couldn’t think of much that I needed help with but since they offered I have thought of lots that would be helpful.

Tuesday my sons are coming to spend time here going through Roy’s things, identifying what somethings are, and getting what they would like to have. I’m working on a special Christmas present for both of them. December 25th can’t come soon enough for me!

On Thursday of next week, both our sons and their families will be gathering at my oldest son’s house for Thanksgiving. Another day that can’t come soon enough. I’m making my sister’s recipe for Sweet Potato Crunch and my very famous (ha!) Spinach Casserole. If you want those recipes I’d be glad to share.

I shared with ya’ll that my blood sugar was off the charts awful. Since then I remembered that I had a cortisone shot in each of my thumbs not long before the blood test. My doctor agrees that my huge A1C number was probably due to that. My blood sugar numbers are way down from the 400s. I’m now in the higher 100s which isn’t perfect but isn’t “you might pass out and die at any time” high.

I put several things FOR SALE on Facebook that were Roy’s. Check them out on Facebook or if you’re not on Facebook you should be!

I’m getting my hair cut again tomorrow and am looking forward to that.

When I feel led to write I always think I’ll just write something short. Well you can see that again that didn’t happen.